nevJournal2

Stopping for Posting, it’s a new post. That’s very sophisticated, isn’t it.
Hello. Is anyone even reading this thing anymore, I wonder. Regardless whether they are, I wanted to get back writing here, for writing’s sake, for myself. I’m afraid, as usual, the reasons aren’t very positive ones, but I’ll try to turn the general vibe around the latest “dark times” toward positive directions.

I guess all the latest entries were written in and about very dark moods. Not that those moods aren’t gone, but maybe I can write stuff again that isn’t covered in a thick layer of dark melancholy sludge. …hey, I wrote that already.

On a (not completely) different matter, my dad has had his CLL diagnosed somewhere around..what was it, 2005? Things were going really slow with that (well, thank god) but eventually he started getting some sort of mild medical treatment and seemed to get better. For a while it even felt as if he could stay off treatment completely.
Not so lately, as the doctor noted that there is a decrement in his status according to the immense increase in leukocyte amounts and eventually it was decided that he should enter full chemotherapy.
When it was official that chemotherapy will have to happen, I was very taken by this issue, since i got strong feelings regarding the matter. I started reading extensively on the net and stumbled upon a few views that were not necessarily concerning specific diseases but rather illness in general in our ‘modern’ times, and what they could be often connected to.

The main direction of these views is all revolving around one thing: nutrition. Moved by this, and connected to my dad’s situation and another event (which i’ll cover in another entry) i started changing my nutrition in a form of “experiment” in order to try to observe any changes. Needless to say, there were some changes and although they weren’t very significant, they felt still a bit exciting. Obviously i’d sound much more excited if things were getting stable and better, but unfortunately that is not the case. My body is driving me crazy. Needless to say, any small decline affects my mood greatly and while I’m having a hard time still figuring out what is going on. But the worst part is of course that constant fear that is lurking everywhere.
I actually have even a hard time going for a blood check. Well, no way around it, this will have to be done in the next weeks.

Back to my Father’s subject – he finished his first chemo treatment batch (3 days treatment in a row), entering a 2-week break from therapy with medical tracking. Meanwhile he seems to be doing alright, having a healthy appetite and feeling generally only tired.
TBC…